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romance ideas
Instead of normal roses, give her chocolate roses
write a romantic story together
Read a Cheezy romance Story to each other
Take 12 long stem roses and lay them out on the floor in the shape of a huge heart. In the middle of the heart, place a vase with different colored roses and a card
Leave a rose on her windshield
. - Early in the morning, leave some flowers on your mate's car seat so they can find them before work. This is a really sweet one.
Games
Thumb wrestle while watching TV.
I don't wanna grow up - have pillow fights and tickle fights
Swing together on a playground
Play twister together
play hide and seek
First Contact: Do's and Don'ts for Replying to Personal Ads
By Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
You may have a great personal ad... and a wonderful smiling photo to go with your ad... but things can still fall apart if you are sending out an awkward first message in response to other people's ads. What can you do to make that first message work for you?
DO:
Write in advance. This lets you think about what you want to say about yourself and, more importantly, check your spelling and grammar. Have a friend read and react to your draft message.
Spellcheck. Yes, this counts. It shows that you are serious about finding dates and willing to pay attention to details. Some people are just natural bad spellers, but it can make you look less smart or less educated than you really are. Most websites do not offer spellchecking of profiles.
Personalize! We recommend writing a general template of a first message, but you have to personalize it for each person you contact. Mention something from their profile, ask a question that refers to something they wrote, or describe how you would be a good match for them. Mention what attracted your attention to their ad. No one wants to think they just received a form letter.
Write more than one line. "Liked your profile... want to chat?" This may be the most commonly-sent message on a dating website... and the most ignored. You need to say something else. Set yourself apart and say something interesting to get a reply.
Use humor. If someone with a great personal ad is receiving lots of replies... what will make yours stand out? A funny line might help. But if you have noticed that people do not respond well to your brand of humor... save your jokes for later.
Keep track of whom you've contacted. Don't write a series of letters to someone who has not responded... you'll look desperate or like a stalker.
DON'T:
Don't demand personal info immediately. Certainly not if you have failed to offered any details yourself. Go for a balance between talking about yourself and asking about them.
Don't open with your last failed relationship. Sure, you have a dating history. But talking about "game players, liars, and cheats" makes you sound a little bitter. Don't sound like you are obsessed with past partners... or that you think everyone will hurt you.
Don't open with sex. "Hi. You look sexy." Unless the person's ad specifically says they only want a casual sexual relationship, it can easily sound vulgar and rude. Women, in particular, typically delete those messages. When men get letters like that, they often expect a link to a porn site to follow. Even on a website that focuses on "adult activities," you need to do more than describe your body or fantasies.
Don't write a novel. Sending out your life story as a first contact is going to look odd. You need to write enough to sound like you have a life, not a book you'd like to publish.
Don't open with "I hate online dating." It is amazing how many people open a note with a line that condemns online dating sites and the people that use them. You are talking to someone that uses a dating website! Do you really want to immediately imply that they are desperate, dumb, or dangerous?
Don't ask for a phone number, address, or last name before you have even gotten a reply from someone. You may be mistaken for a serial killer or a telemarketer. Go slowly in asking for that sort of information; you don't want to scare off prospective dates.
© Dateable.com LLC 2002
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About the author: Tracy Brant is a freelance writer and an editor at Dateable.com. She can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.
Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples and romance lovers. Dateable.com has romantic resources, advice, poetry, greeting cards, and more. Dateable.com also features specialty matchmaking services. Whether you are looking for a soulmate or a playmate, visit http://dateable.com
This article is also available by autoresponder, by sending a blank email to firstcontact@sendfree.com. If you decide to publish, please let us know at articles@dateable.com, and be sure to include the bylines. Thank you.
Get Busy on A Thoughtful Valentine Gift
By Tracy Brant at Dateable.com
Forget the overpriced flowers, cliché heart-shaped candy box, and predictable greeting cards. Show your significant other that you care enough to put serious thought into the gift. Nothing says "I love you" like paying attention.
Some of you just hate Valentine's Day as a commercialized artificial demand to demonstrate your affection by shopping… get over it. You don't have to spend a lot of money or observe the floral ritual, but can you really afford give the impression that you are the Curmudgeon of Romance? I think not. This is not the time to be an activist. If you must, do something special on February 13th to register your disgust with the system. But do something.
This requires you to spend some time thinking about the object of your affection. What do they like to do? Do they collect something? Is there something they keep meaning to do for themselves that you can do for them? An indulgence or small luxury you can treat them to?
Before you rush off to eBay to find a gift… there is a No-No List. For a woman, no matter how much she needs one, do NOT buy her a vacuum cleaner or a handy car emergency kit. "I just want to make your life easier, honey!" Time and place, dude… make her life easier with a new mulch shovel on Arbor Day, not The Big Romance Day. Same goes for men's gifts; even if they really want a riding mower, save it for a birthday. Certainly don't buy them the tools they need to fix YOUR car. Or a gift that reflects the job you want them to get, the clothes you think they should start wearing, or the healthy habit you think they should have.
Gifts should show that you spent time, and thought, not money. Sure, some people love expensive gifts, but more likely, it will look like you spent money to hide the fact that you couldn't think of something good. If you spend a bundle, do it because you tracked down something rare and wonderful. Never spend big money if money is a big issue in your relationship. Spend time, not cash.
So, what is on the Yes-Yes List?
GIFTS OF SERVICE. Give a weekend of your time fixing or cleaning everything that needs it, without making the person feel be-holdin' for it. Give a gift certificate for a meal you cook and clean-up after, especially if you never do that. Even if you can't cook, the effort will be both amusing and thoughtful. Do dishes for the first time in your life… find someone who knows how and ask them. The fact that you did that will be impressive. Give a weekend of your time waiting on her (or him) hand and foot. Fetch her purse, open every door, call her m'lady and focus on what she wants next. Ever painted someone's toenails? Be her loyal servant for a day or two (and see what you learn about her.)
GIFTS OF ORIGINALITY. Did you know that you can hire an artist for a reasonable sum and get custom art or illustration. Have a favorite poem illuminated by a calligrapher. Make something with your own hands… jewelry, art, pottery, carving, or his portrait in tile mosaic… walk around an art store for ideas. Or have something with personal importance framed elaborately… a cocktail napkin you saved from your first date… the ticket stubs from the movie where you first whispered, "I love you."
GIFTS OF COLLECTABILITY. Do they love a particular author, actor, or movie? Track down a first edition book, a movie theater lobby poster, or an autographed item. Buy a sheet of uncut collector cards for sports teams, comic book heros, or fantasy games. Movie animation cells, rare recordings, and hard-to-get editions from other countries… all of these show you did some work to get them something they will love.
GIFTS OF ROMANCE. These are particularly special if you are normally not a sappy, gushing, romantic fool. Have trouble expressing your feeling in words? Spend time writing her a poem or an essay about what she means to you. Give the gift of attention… remove all the things that normally keep you from relaxing together. That can be tough for working families. Farm out the kids, put away the work, ignore the undone housework, and spent time reminiscing about why you love about each other. Make a lot of all the things you like about the other person and read it out loud. Make the list loooong and feed him/her a candy heart or peeled grape with each item. "Over the top" is the key. Be a fool for her/him.
GIFTS OF RELAXATION. Get a fancy hotel room in your own city, order in room service, and watch movies for a whole weekend. If your partner has kids, YOU arrange the babysitter (enlist a relative). Give her a certificate for a spa weekend or a women's retreat. Give him a afternoon at a men's spa for his first facial and massage. Get lightly-scented massage oil and set up a "spa" at home.. perhaps hire a professional massage therapist to give you his-n-hers massage or foot reflexology.
Getting the idea? Put away your credit card and start brainstorming… Valentine's Day is just round the corner.
© Dateable.com LLC 2002
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About the author: Tracy Brant is a freelance writer and an editor at Dateable.com. She can be contacted at tracy@dateable.com.
Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples and romance lovers. Dateable.com has romantic resources, advice, poetry, greeting cards, and more. Dateable.com also features specialty matchmaking services. Whether you are looking for a soulmate or a playmate, visit http://dateable.com
This article is also available by autoresponder, by sending a blank email to dateable12@sendfree.com. If you decide to publish, please let us know at articles@dateable.com, and be sure to include the bylines. Thank you.
Music, Your Mood, and What It Says About You
The type of music you listen to has a lot to do with how you approach certain situations. After listening to a Joni Mitchell album, a colleague remarked that we have very different music tastes. She said that my tastes were too "soft" and "whiny". I explained to her that, while working, I prefer a relaxing album to counterbalance my frustration as a writer/programmer.
In fact, music has a tremendous influence on our life. From the songs used in television commercials to what we listen to for pleasure, our auditory senses are overloaded on a daily basis. If we can manipulate ourselves similar to the way commercials do, we can ease the emotional tension inherent in our daily routine. From road rage to romance, our lives can run a little more smoothly.
I have a friend who has a bad case of road rage. He can't drive more than a block without his face turning red. Children run for their lives when they see him barreling down the street in his two-tone pickup. When he's not in the car, however, he is a tolerant, respectable person. What gives?
Metallica. All he had in his car was loud, blood pumping music. It pushed his virtual testosterone level to the point of a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal. When I popped in a little Wes Montgomery, his road rage all but disappeared. He didn't notice much of a difference, but all the passengers quietly remarked at his drastic change of face.
On a larger and more important scale, our relationships can slip into routines that we don't see as unhealthy before it's too late. Once we establish a history with our partner, we also develop patterns that are very difficult to get rid of. Maybe one of you developed aggressive tendencies when playing around, such as hitting or biting. These actions are manifestations of deeper problems.
One way to counteract these patterns is to consciously go against the natural flow. For example, if you and your partner listen to stimulating music and have a contentious relationship, perhaps you should try a more mellow sound. On the other hand, if the relationship is passive to a fault, louder more wrenching music might be in order.
Don't underestimate the power that music has over your emotions. Why do you think they call certain styles "romantic" and others "fight songs"? Think of what was played the last time you were at a sporting event. Elvis Costello's "Pump it Up" is not a song that will put your infant child to sleep. Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" is an obvious choice for seduction, but you can get creative with what works for you and your partner. Sit down and talk about how certain music makes you *feel*, and you can build and personalize your own soundtrack.
Try to remain open minded and broaden your horizons in order to maintain a stimulating environment. This doesn't mean you have to radically change your life; in fact, gradually changing your environment will manifest bigger and better changes in all facets of your life. Having choices in your life enables you to approach trying situations with a plan. My friend now has only calming music in his car in anticipation of his road rage.
Our personalities are constantly shaped by the environment. Some of that is uncontrollable, but some of it can be regulated to achieve a desired result. If you find yourself constantly aggravated, tired, or depressed, change the station. Pop in a new CD. Control your environment with hopes of controlling yourself.
© Dateable.com LLC 2001
Dateable.com is an exciting online community for singles, couples and romance lovers. Dateable.com has romantic resources, advice, poetry, greeting cards, and more. Dateable.com also features specialty matchmaking services. Whether you are looking for a soulmate or a playmate, visit http://dateable.com
Relationship Reality
One of my aims in life is to break down any sense that we are alone, that our
challenges are in any way unique or special. It’s all just stuff that gets in
the way of us being our best, but just like gum on your shoe, it can be scraped
off.
Every relationship you get into is going to move through three nicely
predictable stages. Romance is first up, being of course the absolute best bit.
It’s like the cherry on your cake, knowing you’ve met Mr. or Mrs. Right and
loving everything about them. The next stage, unless you’re taking some
delusional narcotics, is the inevitable power struggle. This is the time when we
start to establish whose needs come first in the relationship. Trust me, this is
where it gets messy. Do you know that according to Barbara De Angelis there are
four stages a relationship moves through as it hits this struggle? These are
resistance, resentment, rejection and repression. The power struggle is a
nasty, painful phase and potentially we squabble in way’s we’re not proud of.
The bad news is that using the examples we grow up with the best most of us ever
reach is the stage of repression. We look around and realize there are no better
options, we love the home we’ve built together, we’ve got mutual friends, and
we’re more comfortable than we’ve ever been. We then settle for what we’ve got
using the tired refrain, “you just can’t have everything” and “Oh well, it’s
really not that important”. Well at this point I think it’s really important to
ask yourself who’s the it you are referring to?
Potentially, we now have a relationship where we endure each other and live as
roommates rather than lovers. It’s the norm, most of the people around you exist
in it so it’s not surprising people feel a little guilty when they begin to want
more. Fortunately for those brave souls willing to ask for more we’ve got the
potential for co-creativity, a phrase coined by Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor
in “The New Couple”. This is where the relationship manages to evolve beyond the
power struggle into adulthood and we get back to the place where we can ask
ourselves what we can give to our partner rather than getting stuck in trying to
get our needs met.
It’s not a big deal and the skills you need are in no way complicated. Most of
us don’t need therapy; we just need strategies that lead to happiness. Take a
look at my top tips for some easy to implement solutions. Let me know which
one’s work for you, I’d love to hear from you.
http://www.thegreatrelationshipcoach.com/download/relationship.pdf
© Copyright 2003 by Michael Myerscough ‘The Great Sex Coach’. All Rights
Reserved. May be freely copied and distributed as long as you include the
following information: "By Michael Myerscough, professional speaker and
relationship success coach. Michael has lots of great tips, tools and articles
on his website that you can use. Visit him at http://www.thegreatsexcoach.com and sign
up for his free newsletter or you can find all the same content in a work safe
format at http://www.thegreatrelationshipcoach.com
How to Keep the Relationship Alive Long-Distance
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Written by: Susan Dunn
Web Site: The EQ Coach
Date Submitted: 01/11/2004 |
With today's lifestyle, more couples are having to sustain their relationship with one or the other member of the couple traveling.
Long distance relationships have their pros and cons. It's easier to "keep the romance alive" when you're apart, but it requires a lot of effort and work and you have to be really good at communicating.
1. You must have good communication skills.
Communication skills of the other than in-person type. You'll be talking on the phone and writing a lot!
2. Communicate once a day at least and as much as possible.
If you can't afford phone calls, use email, instant message, even faxes.
3. Get together as often as you can. Regular intervals provide stability and build trust.
Plan the next get-together before you part. It builds trust and continuity in the relationship. Don't leave it up in the air whether you'll be meeting again or not. Set the next date if possible, or have a regular meeting time -- the first weekend of the month, for instance.
4. You must be willing to put extra effort into making it work.
It can be amazingly hard with today's busy lifestyles to make and keep even a phone date. (Mobile phones help a lot.) Travel can lose its charm after a while. Not being able to see each other every day means having to save important things you want to share, and allowing plenty of time for intimate conversation when you do talk or write.
5. If something's bothering you, bring it up right away.
Small concerns can grow into big problems if allowed to fester. It takes some skill to communicate LD but it can be done. Share your concerns, the trials of being apart, the difficulty in travel, etc. Just like you would if you were together -- the concerns might be different, but there would still be some.
6. Talk about small daily things and keep your partner up-to-date.
Since they can't experience it or see it, explain it, talk about it. It's especially important to share your lives this way -- what you're doing, where you ate lunch, the friends you're seeing, what you're doing at work. Email good articles you've read, share websites, books. Takes quizzes on line and share results. This brings immediacy to the relationship.
7. Suspicion and jealousy can become self-fulfilling prophecies, and if you're prone to this, an LD affair is not for you.
Assume and trust until given direct proof not to.
8. Meet in different places.
Since you're traveling anyway, you might as well add this to the mix. It can save you both time and money to meet somewhere in between. Trade off meeting at their place or yours. In that way, you'll get to know more about each other's lives.
9. Build toward the future and be optimistic.
Talk about when you'll be shortening the distance—make sure you both have the same goals in that respect. Strong relationships always build to the future. Some people choose long distance relationships because they permanently like "distance," but they can work out, and we all know examples where they did!
10. Everbody likes surprises, especially when you're far from home. Little reminders that you care mean a lot.
With the Internet, it's easy to send gifts. Snail mail cards, send e-cards, mail a book, flowers, candles. Keep your presence in front of the other person, and let them feel that you're thinking of them in as many ways as you can.
Valentine’s Day is a touchy subject with me. It is not that my husband forgets to honor our love on that day. In fact, he is better at remembering Valentine’s Day than he is at remembering our anniversary. Perhaps I should consider making our anniversary a National Hallmark holiday with lots of billboards and other advertising to help the poor guy recall the day we became husband and wife. No matter. We have Cupid’s celebration for which he can ramp up his adoration for me.
The reason for my apprehension about mid-February’s day of romance is quite simple: plants. It was a linguistic misunderstanding, a cross-cultural faux pas that has stuck in my mind for over a decade. You see, my husband is German, and in the beginning of our relationship, my German wasn’t that great.
As February 14th neared that first year of our courtship, I suggested to my then boyfriend that Americans celebrate the holiday with flowers. It would be useful if he would remember that. I really thought I had gotten through to him. Without belabouring the point, I would occasionally point out the red hearts and bow and arrow decorations that ornately hung in the shop windows. I would then reiterate my love for flowers and how special a woman feels when she receives them.
Had I been a bit more vigilant in my undertaking, the holiday wouldn’t have turned out as it did. The German word Blumen means both flowers and plants. As I continually mentioned my interest in Blumen, my husband, a biologist by trade, had nodded with great understanding. After many other language barriers had been crossed, it seemed as if I were finally talking his lingo. As Valentine’s Day arrived, my excited boyfriend presented me with a spider plant wrapped in light green cellophane. You know which kind of plant I mean: the unkillable kind that has lots of babies, the kind that would even survive while you’re away on your six-week African safari.
In that moment, I couldn’t help but show my disappointment.
"Flowers! I meant flowers!" I said in English to him in a rather unkind, obnoxious manner. For a moment, it appeared as if he were going to snatch the plant away from me. I peered down at the lovely wrapping job that he had so painstakingly done and smiled.
"But I suppose plants last longer, huh?" I placed the plant on our sunny windowsill.
I chose to look at our first Valentine’s Day this way: he thinks our love will result in an unshakeable marriage with lots of kids. After all, isn’t that what a spider plant symbolizes?
We now have two children, and we have been married ten years. While our spider plant did not survive our multiple moves, the lesson that it brought us has remained. Perhaps my husband knew what I meant all along, and he chose a different path for our love, one which lasts for more than just one day in February.
Christine Louise Hohlbaum, American author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff, lives near Munich, Germany, with her husband and two children. When she isn’t writing, leading toddler playgroups or wiping up messes, she prefers to frolick with her family in the Bavarian countryside. Visit her Web site: www.diaryofamother.com.
When was the last time you went out on a real “date” with your significant other? And no, a real date doesn’t mean taking the kids to the movies with you and sitting them in the front row, while you sit five rows back to cuddle, eat popcorn, and share a large soda. If your date nights have consisted of squeezing in a little time while the kids play or go off to bed then it’s time to dust off your dancing shoes and find a sitter!
Spending time with your better half can not only save your marriage, but bring it back to life. To add a little spark to the romance department of your marriage, follow these simple steps to a romantic evening the two of you will never forget:
1. Find a sitter. If you can’t afford to hire a sitter because money is too tight, enroll the help of a trusted friend or family member. If you feel guilty, offer to swap sitter duties.
2. Listen to your spouse. What is your better half constantly wishing she could do? Is that something you can turn into an evening of fun?
3. Ask your spouse out on a date. Don’t just tell your loved one that you two are going out without the kids, get romantic and ask her out on a date.
4. Buy a gift. Is there something your loved one has been eyeing but just couldn’t justify buying? Is it in your “cash only” budget? If it is, buy it. If it’s not, find something comparable and unique, then wrap it up in a real elegant box, tie a ribbon around it, and place a bow on the top.
5. Handwrite a love note. Hallmark is famous for offering cards that pull on one’s heartstrings. If you can’t think of something romantic to say on your own, spend a little time in the card section and find the perfect card to say it for you. But don’t just sign your name to the card, adlib by writing a few extra special lines to personalize that card for your spouse.
6. Make reservations. Don’t head out to the local chain restaurant for a meal; you can do that any day. Instead, call ahead and make reservations to some place new. Is there a local resort in the area? How about a private club?
7. Dress elsewhere. Tell your spouse you’ll be back to pick her up, then head on over to your friend’s house to get ready.
8. Surprise your date. When it’s time to pick up your spouse, surprise her by coming to the door with a bouquet of flowers and/or box of chocolates. (Save the gift and card for later.)
9. Don’t talk shop. When you finally make it out of the house, don’t talk about the kids, work, school, finances, health problems, or anything else that could add stress or put a damper on the evening. Talk about fun, no-nonsense things instead.
10. Share a dessert. Order your spouse’s favorite dessert and two forks, and then intertwine those arms and offer a bite to one another.
11. Bring out the finale. If you’re really adventurous, get down on one knee, look your spouse in the eyes, and tell her how much your life together means to you while handing over that beautifully gift-wrapped box. If that’s a bit too mushy for you, just reach across the table, grab your spouse’s hands, tell her how much you love her and then say, “Oh wait, I have something for you.” And pop out that gift.
12. Go dancing. Have you always wanted to try salsa dancing? What about line dancing? Now is the time to try something new, you’ll laugh so hard that it’s the perfect way to end the evening. Can’t find a themed dance studio in your area? That’s okay, just boogie the night away at your local dance club.
**
Alyice Edrich is the author of several work-from-home e-books, including one that allows parents to earn $50 in two hours without joining an MLM or home party business. She is also the editor of The Dabbling Mum.com– a national publication for BUSY parents (http://thedabblingmum.com).
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bravenet.com
